I was honored to see a person's character this weekend.
He'd been looking for a companion for his German Shepherd. There was an ad on Craigslist for a Pit Bull. Apparently, she'd been found and the people couldn't keep her.
He went to look at her, and brought her home with him. I went to see her, and my heart broke into pieces. She looks like an ad for abused and neglected animals. Seeing her, you automatically hear Sarah McLaughlin singing in the background, it's that bad. She is thin. Emaciated, in fact. Every bone is visible in her tiny body. I doubt that this adult dog weighs even twenty pounds. She's had puppies at some time in the past few months. She is resigned, passive, exhausted. Her eyes show that she's not sure if she'll be treated kindly if a hand reaches out toward her, and yet she's not aggressive or mean.
He welcomed her into his home, made her a place where she can rest and feel safe. There is plenty of food and fresh water within reach. She had diarrhea on his carpet, more than once. He spoke kindly to her, cleaned her up, and after she was cared for, then cleaned the carpet. He's gentle with her, as is his German Shepherd. I watched the German Shepherd walk over to her, study her for a moment, then lick her face before walking off to give her some space. Both are welcoming that broken dog into their home, and into their lives and family.
Those heartbreaking commercials don't show what happens to the animals after the cameras stop filming. You see them, and want to help, but perhaps don't know how.
This weekend, I saw someone who isn't just talking about making a difference. He walks his talk. And, for that little Pitt Bull, her world has changed in ways that few neglected and abused animals will ever see. She has a loving home, and I have a newfound admiration for someone whom I already knew to be of good charactor.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Hair, makeup, nails and low vision. My beauty routine......
How do blind/low vision women do their hair and makeup? With that question, I began a journey of learning to maintain my looks as I lost my sight.
The hair was easy until this past year. I had a hairdresser in the city who did everything... Color, cuts, Brazilian Blowouts, etc. The only thing I had to do was to comb my hair after shampooing. It looked incredible at every given moment.
After moving to a small town, it all changed. The first hairdresser left the color product in my hair, burning my scalp badly which took weeks to heal, and left my hair looking like a cartoon character. The second hairdresser fixed the mess caused by the first one. The problem was that the small town hairdressers cost almost as much as the city one, and no one in town does Brazilian Blowouts.
Now, I use a Clairol Balsam color every eight weeks. Apply all over, tell Siri to let me know when thirty minutes are up, and rinse at least ten minutes to be sure it's all rinsed out. I could get by without coloring, but I refuse to go gray.
No haircuts since last spring, so it's growing long. For my bangs, I put scotch tape on them at eyebrow length, and trim carefully underneath with manicure scissors, Keeping my hand between my hair and my face. I've cut my eyelids and brows several times, which means that I seldom do it. As far as styling goes, I use a flat iron, cautiously doing one tiny portion of hair at a time. I feel my hair frequently, hunting for wavy hair which needs needs straightening. Mostly, it turns out well.
Eyebrows are ignored. I cannot see stray hairs, even with 20x magnifying mirrors. Friends have assured me that no strays are visible, so I'm trusting their opinions.
Makeup is the Luminess Air System. You've seen that airbrush makeup system sold on the infomercials, they play all night on various tv channels. Well, I gave in one sleepless night after trying to use regular makeup earlier that day with the results looking clownish in photos. It broke my heart knowing I could no longer easily make up my face as I had for decades. I love that it works as well as the ads say. Pull my hair back with a headband, and it Takes under five minutes to apply. I can feel it going on easily. My skin is perfect and flawless using it. When I'm done, I use a crayon eyeliner next to my lashes, just on the outer thirds of my eyes, then smudge it gently with my fingertip. No mascara, or eyeshadow either anymore, I can't see clumps or smears. Blush is a powdered bronzer, applied with a giant makeup brush. Three strokes across each cheek, one gentle stroke along the jawline.
Nails are a huge pain. Taking off the Polish is easy. Trimming is done carefully, feeling the shape with my other fingertips. Painting is done with multiple magnifiers. I get a lot on my fingers around the nails. Once they're completely dry, I soak and moisturize my hands. Then I use my nails to carefully scrape off the excess from my fingers. Not perfect, but it works.
Stray lip hairs are a fact of life, so once a week I take an electric bikini razor across my upper lip. Don't know if I have any, but better safe than sorry.
I use retinA, sunscreen, and moisturize daily.
It's not a perfect system, but it works for me. Best, I can do it with or without any sight.
Enough for now.....
The hair was easy until this past year. I had a hairdresser in the city who did everything... Color, cuts, Brazilian Blowouts, etc. The only thing I had to do was to comb my hair after shampooing. It looked incredible at every given moment.
After moving to a small town, it all changed. The first hairdresser left the color product in my hair, burning my scalp badly which took weeks to heal, and left my hair looking like a cartoon character. The second hairdresser fixed the mess caused by the first one. The problem was that the small town hairdressers cost almost as much as the city one, and no one in town does Brazilian Blowouts.
Now, I use a Clairol Balsam color every eight weeks. Apply all over, tell Siri to let me know when thirty minutes are up, and rinse at least ten minutes to be sure it's all rinsed out. I could get by without coloring, but I refuse to go gray.
No haircuts since last spring, so it's growing long. For my bangs, I put scotch tape on them at eyebrow length, and trim carefully underneath with manicure scissors, Keeping my hand between my hair and my face. I've cut my eyelids and brows several times, which means that I seldom do it. As far as styling goes, I use a flat iron, cautiously doing one tiny portion of hair at a time. I feel my hair frequently, hunting for wavy hair which needs needs straightening. Mostly, it turns out well.
Eyebrows are ignored. I cannot see stray hairs, even with 20x magnifying mirrors. Friends have assured me that no strays are visible, so I'm trusting their opinions.
Makeup is the Luminess Air System. You've seen that airbrush makeup system sold on the infomercials, they play all night on various tv channels. Well, I gave in one sleepless night after trying to use regular makeup earlier that day with the results looking clownish in photos. It broke my heart knowing I could no longer easily make up my face as I had for decades. I love that it works as well as the ads say. Pull my hair back with a headband, and it Takes under five minutes to apply. I can feel it going on easily. My skin is perfect and flawless using it. When I'm done, I use a crayon eyeliner next to my lashes, just on the outer thirds of my eyes, then smudge it gently with my fingertip. No mascara, or eyeshadow either anymore, I can't see clumps or smears. Blush is a powdered bronzer, applied with a giant makeup brush. Three strokes across each cheek, one gentle stroke along the jawline.
Nails are a huge pain. Taking off the Polish is easy. Trimming is done carefully, feeling the shape with my other fingertips. Painting is done with multiple magnifiers. I get a lot on my fingers around the nails. Once they're completely dry, I soak and moisturize my hands. Then I use my nails to carefully scrape off the excess from my fingers. Not perfect, but it works.
Stray lip hairs are a fact of life, so once a week I take an electric bikini razor across my upper lip. Don't know if I have any, but better safe than sorry.
I use retinA, sunscreen, and moisturize daily.
It's not a perfect system, but it works for me. Best, I can do it with or without any sight.
Enough for now.....
Monday, November 3, 2014
Adaptation issues.
More home adaptations in progress....
Today, I worked on my bedroom closet. It's a walk-in, with no lighting, other than a tiny battery operated one. After dragging everything out into the bedroom, I packed away summer clothing, and separated shoes into groups by colors. I reorganized lingerie, also by color. Now, I can reach into that black space and easily locate the things that I need.
The bathroom is in better shape. More items are marked with huge felt letters, held in place with rubber bands. Lotions and manicure items have their own places. Not perfect, but it's progress.
Today, I spent awhile on Pinterest. I projected the iPad onto the tv screen in order to make out the pictures. I'm looking at ways to mark and adapt things around the house.
I need to mark the cabinet drawers and knobs in the kitchen. I'm constantly feeling around to find them. I'm thinking that a simple solution would be brightly colored ribbons tied around each one.
Everything in that room, as well as the laundry and Mudroom, are white. There's no way to find the doorways where they lead into each other, aside from putting brightly colored items against the walls and doorways, as landmarks. As a result, I've sported a badly broken toe for several weeks.
Should be getting used to getting injured due to not seeing things by now. I sport an ever changing array of bruises at any given time. Still, it gets old.
It's a dilemma. I need the contrast in order to find things. The problem is that so many colors are gone from my sight. I can make out some of the light colors, and the reds are still mostly there. The rest are either muddy or faded. I don't want a childish or a garish color scheme in my home. Even if I cannot see it, I want my home to be beautiful and classy. So, as a result, I'm looking at colored ribbons in muted tones which coordinate with things like my china pattern. Thankfully, I have apps which will match and identify the colors.
Enough for now....
Today, I worked on my bedroom closet. It's a walk-in, with no lighting, other than a tiny battery operated one. After dragging everything out into the bedroom, I packed away summer clothing, and separated shoes into groups by colors. I reorganized lingerie, also by color. Now, I can reach into that black space and easily locate the things that I need.
The bathroom is in better shape. More items are marked with huge felt letters, held in place with rubber bands. Lotions and manicure items have their own places. Not perfect, but it's progress.
Today, I spent awhile on Pinterest. I projected the iPad onto the tv screen in order to make out the pictures. I'm looking at ways to mark and adapt things around the house.
I need to mark the cabinet drawers and knobs in the kitchen. I'm constantly feeling around to find them. I'm thinking that a simple solution would be brightly colored ribbons tied around each one.
Everything in that room, as well as the laundry and Mudroom, are white. There's no way to find the doorways where they lead into each other, aside from putting brightly colored items against the walls and doorways, as landmarks. As a result, I've sported a badly broken toe for several weeks.
Should be getting used to getting injured due to not seeing things by now. I sport an ever changing array of bruises at any given time. Still, it gets old.
It's a dilemma. I need the contrast in order to find things. The problem is that so many colors are gone from my sight. I can make out some of the light colors, and the reds are still mostly there. The rest are either muddy or faded. I don't want a childish or a garish color scheme in my home. Even if I cannot see it, I want my home to be beautiful and classy. So, as a result, I'm looking at colored ribbons in muted tones which coordinate with things like my china pattern. Thankfully, I have apps which will match and identify the colors.
Enough for now....
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Saturday night update.....
Tree roots caused the sewer pipes to back up Friday morning. An incredibly huge mess, I was up all night tackling it. I left the house as soon as the landlord left, the pipes were augured, and stayed gone for the rest of the day. Had to have a break from the chaos. Couldn't wait to launder the six loads of towels and bath rugs that it took to mop it up enough to use a real mop. The last load is finally in the dryer. Several loads are still on the clothesline and the wooden drying rack. I've used a gallon of bleach, and had each load soaking for at least an hour.
Tonight, I'm worn out from scrubbing, bleaching surfaces, and shampooing a portion of the guest room carpet. Yes, that got it, also. Cooking was too much effort, so I thawed a loaf of French bread. Dinner was bread and butter, apple slices, with a few whoppers from the Halloween candy bag for dessert. Sometimes good enough just has to be enough.
My uncle passed away Thursday evening. It was his wife's seventieth birthday. They spent it together in his hospital bed, her head on his shoulder, as he took his last breath. They had a great love story. They married two days after my first birthday, buried their first born, had two more, divorced, remarried each other, and just celebrated their fifty-second anniversary. That's the cliff notes version.
On their wedding night, he trapped her under the covers, and farted on her. I never saw them angry at each other. They did things together as a couple and as a family. Loved and spent a lot of time with their children and grandchildren. Took care of their aging parents. Laughed and cried together. Celebrated occasions both great and small. They hosted family celebrations, and welcomed everyone. The way they always looked at each other was with love and pride. They had fun, and genuinely liked each other. Theirs was one of those loves that we all hope to find, and rarely do.
On to other things.....
Well, I've been on eight dates in the past couple of weeks. Same man who took me to the fair for our first date. We've gone places, made friends with each other's dogs, cooked for each other, laughed, talked for hours, and held hands. He's a real sweetheart, and I like him a lot. Today he's at a wedding. We're going out again tomorrow. There's potential with him. And it scares me, because I get the feeling that loving him could be easy. I don't want to get hurt again, so I'm guarding my heart, being cautious as we get to know each other.
Did the volunteer thing again on Thursday. Four hours, and a blinding headache from using multiple magnifiers to read author's names in order to shelve the books. Took a multi-hour nap afterwards and several Advil to try and lessen the headache. May have to get new magnifiers, mine are 8x. It will take a trip to Oklahoma City to get more powerful ones. They're expensive, the last pair cost $120., so I need to start saving up. Problem is, when I tried the more powerful ones, I could only make out one letter at a time. At what point do I give up? When I get to one letter on a book cover at a time? When I get to a portion of a letter?
My new shoes arrived the other day. Until this broken toe heals, and the swelling in my foot goes down, I can't try them on. They sure are pretty. Oxfords, three inch heels, one pair each of black and brown. I got them to replace the five year old ones which are falling apart.
Anyway, things are quiet this evening. The hot air popper is making popcorn, and I'm listening to jazz albums. Getting ready to listen to an old Pink Panther movie. I like quiet nights. The kind where I can soak in the tub, paint my nails, etc.
Enough for now.......
Tonight, I'm worn out from scrubbing, bleaching surfaces, and shampooing a portion of the guest room carpet. Yes, that got it, also. Cooking was too much effort, so I thawed a loaf of French bread. Dinner was bread and butter, apple slices, with a few whoppers from the Halloween candy bag for dessert. Sometimes good enough just has to be enough.
My uncle passed away Thursday evening. It was his wife's seventieth birthday. They spent it together in his hospital bed, her head on his shoulder, as he took his last breath. They had a great love story. They married two days after my first birthday, buried their first born, had two more, divorced, remarried each other, and just celebrated their fifty-second anniversary. That's the cliff notes version.
On their wedding night, he trapped her under the covers, and farted on her. I never saw them angry at each other. They did things together as a couple and as a family. Loved and spent a lot of time with their children and grandchildren. Took care of their aging parents. Laughed and cried together. Celebrated occasions both great and small. They hosted family celebrations, and welcomed everyone. The way they always looked at each other was with love and pride. They had fun, and genuinely liked each other. Theirs was one of those loves that we all hope to find, and rarely do.
On to other things.....
Well, I've been on eight dates in the past couple of weeks. Same man who took me to the fair for our first date. We've gone places, made friends with each other's dogs, cooked for each other, laughed, talked for hours, and held hands. He's a real sweetheart, and I like him a lot. Today he's at a wedding. We're going out again tomorrow. There's potential with him. And it scares me, because I get the feeling that loving him could be easy. I don't want to get hurt again, so I'm guarding my heart, being cautious as we get to know each other.
Did the volunteer thing again on Thursday. Four hours, and a blinding headache from using multiple magnifiers to read author's names in order to shelve the books. Took a multi-hour nap afterwards and several Advil to try and lessen the headache. May have to get new magnifiers, mine are 8x. It will take a trip to Oklahoma City to get more powerful ones. They're expensive, the last pair cost $120., so I need to start saving up. Problem is, when I tried the more powerful ones, I could only make out one letter at a time. At what point do I give up? When I get to one letter on a book cover at a time? When I get to a portion of a letter?
My new shoes arrived the other day. Until this broken toe heals, and the swelling in my foot goes down, I can't try them on. They sure are pretty. Oxfords, three inch heels, one pair each of black and brown. I got them to replace the five year old ones which are falling apart.
Anyway, things are quiet this evening. The hot air popper is making popcorn, and I'm listening to jazz albums. Getting ready to listen to an old Pink Panther movie. I like quiet nights. The kind where I can soak in the tub, paint my nails, etc.
Enough for now.......
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Advice to a young relative....
My niece, who is almost 18, is looking for a boyfriend. I feel for her. It's hard to be young, and to want a real relationship as opposed to just someone who wants a good time.
Tonight, I gave her the best advice that I could, remembering well how it is to be unsure of myself and trying to figure out what I wanted in life. It's the advice that I wish someone would have given to me.
"K......., you are incredible. There are men out there who will adore you, treat you like a Queen, and who will dream of settling down and making a life with you. They are out there. When the time is right, you will meet them. In the meantime, you need to do a few things. Be the sweet girl that I know you are. Live, travel, get your education, have hobbies that interest you, make friends, love the friends that you have and spend time with them, experience life, try new things, read and be knowledgeable about the world around you and about current events, love your family, find a cause and volunteer for the things you are passionate about, discover and develop your personal style, study books about etiquette and follow them religiously, have a personal philosophy, get a job, make a life for yourself that you love, be happy with what you have, make a life plan and have goals for yourself. When you have a life that you love, and are happy, love will come to you. While you're waiting, get out there and live. Love you, Kiddo......."
I hope she finds the love she wants and deserves. I'm cheering her on.
Tonight, I gave her the best advice that I could, remembering well how it is to be unsure of myself and trying to figure out what I wanted in life. It's the advice that I wish someone would have given to me.
"K......., you are incredible. There are men out there who will adore you, treat you like a Queen, and who will dream of settling down and making a life with you. They are out there. When the time is right, you will meet them. In the meantime, you need to do a few things. Be the sweet girl that I know you are. Live, travel, get your education, have hobbies that interest you, make friends, love the friends that you have and spend time with them, experience life, try new things, read and be knowledgeable about the world around you and about current events, love your family, find a cause and volunteer for the things you are passionate about, discover and develop your personal style, study books about etiquette and follow them religiously, have a personal philosophy, get a job, make a life for yourself that you love, be happy with what you have, make a life plan and have goals for yourself. When you have a life that you love, and are happy, love will come to you. While you're waiting, get out there and live. Love you, Kiddo......."
I hope she finds the love she wants and deserves. I'm cheering her on.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
So, what do I do all day?
It's funny. When someone asks what I do for a living, and I say that I'm retired, they ask what I do all day. Is it because I'm not elderly? Or, that I don't look crippled enough to satisfy nosiness?
Invisible illnesses are hard to explain. You can look, but not see them in people around you, but they are there. I look fit, and healthy. I function fairly well in places which are familiar, and where I know locations of things. Places which have adaptations for low and no vision.
These are my invisible illnesses...
Non-Paraneoplastic AutoImmune Retinopathy. There is no effective treatment, and no cure. Eyesight is down to finger counting. The left eye sees nothing except gray, black or white. In some light levels, I see very little. I rely on cues of shapes, shadows and the few colors that I can make out to extrapolate what is near me. The built in gps in my head is something that I always took for granted, and now am grateful for. It means that I don't get lost, know where I am, and always know what direction that I'm facing. In other light levels, either too bright or too dark, I see nothing at all. Stabbing headaches live behind the left eyeball which no pain pill can lessen.
Cataracts.
Moderate to Severe arthritis, depending on temperature and humidity levels.
Hearing loss, just enough to annoy me and to have to ask soft voices to repeat things, sometimes over and over. Tinnitus means there is a screaming mosquito noise 24/7 in my right ear.
Vertigo and dizziness. I'm always a bit off balance. Sometimes, it's bad enough to cause falls. I wear a lot of colorful bruises due to it. Vertigo can last from a few seconds to several hours at a time.
A cyst in my brain.
So, just what do I do all day long?
I keep my house clean, but often forget to dust or polish glass. Out of sight, out of mind. The toilet, however, sparkles. I sometimes cook, about once every couple of weeks, simple things, and enough of whatever it is to last for many meals. I eat a lot of peanut butter and fresh fruit because it's easier than burning myself on the stove, which I do almost every freakin' time. I wash dishes carefully by hand. I feed my dog and the fish every day. I take baths, shave my legs and other bits, brush my teeth, wash my face, and comb my hair. The shower brings on vertigo, so the tub is fine by me. I love to soak in the tub and just daydream in there sometimes. I use a 20x magnifying mirror to do my eye makeup which remains hidden behind the sunglasses that protect my eyes from more damage. I do a crappy job of trimming my bangs Finally learned to quit snipping my eyebrows and eyelids in the process, that hurts! Thank goodness that the bangs curl. I'm working on Braille lessons for at least three hours daily, often more, and am frustrated that I cannot learn it as easily as foreign languages. My finger tips don't have the sensitivity needed, and I'm trying to find a way to work around that limitation. I'm listening to a Stephen King book on tape. I water plants weekly. I grow unusual plants, a cinnamon tree from Sri Lanka among others. I mow every couple of weeks, it usually takes two or three days off and on to do it. I rake most of the leaves, or at least anything which the rake can catch, and bag it. I walk the dog when arthritis and vertigo aren't bad. On bad vertigo days, I remain on the floor except to let the dog in and out or to go to the bathroom. I get on the treadmill, and try for five miles daily, on bad arthritis days it's one mile very slowly, hanging onto the rails for dear life, but I still do it. I use hand weights daily to keep up my upper body strength. After all, I doubt some hottie in fireman garb will swoop in if I fall and can't get up. I moisturize religiously, and use sunscreen. I'm making an afghan, and keep tearing out the crocheting because it feels like crap, and I keep on trying, I will get it right. I go to the grocery store, gas station, the post office... All about four blocks away. Every four to six weeks, I go to walmart with a relative so I can get big things like dog food and toilet paper. Occasionally, I see family or friends. I call my dad who lives out of state. I listen to the "hear my Facebook" app read to me. That's how I stay in touch with most people in my life. I have apps to identify money, colors, magnify, and to read print aloud. I pay bills. I use a magnifier app to project things like mail onto the tv so that I can read them. I listen to football games, records, CDs, radio, to tv shows or movies, and books on tape. I listen to online college lectures on a variety of subjects. I'm dating...Went to lunch with two gentlemen, to the fair and out to dinner with a third one. I ride the etrike when light levels cooperate. I walk over to a used book store which is the library's fundraiser. I usually buy a few books at a quarter each, and put them in my guestroom. I change my sheets every other day. About once a month, i take my comforter to the laundromat, it's too big for the washing machine. I dress nicely every day, and do laundry. I hang most things on a wood rack or clothesline to dry. Instead of ironing, I tumble things in the dryer for a few minutes. Would like to say that I mend things, but my sewing skills are down to sewing buttons back on. I have a lot of craft and gardening books which I cannot read, and craft items that I hope to someday use. I still play a mean game of backgammon, using Braille dice. I make candy for the holidays, four ingredients, and no cooking involved. I changed the tire tube on my etrike the other day. Thankfully, the tire didn't have to be removed. I raised the rear axle by putting a flower pot under it. It took all afternoon and a butter knife (don't ask), but I got it done. I avidly follow news related to the space programs. I had, years ago, hoped to apply for the Mars trips, but this eye disease took that dream and stomped on it. I follow news and advances in my eye disease, which is mostly the same paragraph from years ago repeated and rehashed in the papers that others write. I hope for a cure. Nothing can restore the vision lost, but stopping the disease would help. I have dreams. I have hopes. I look for ways to live the best that I can, and to work around that which limits me. I deal with the soul sucking hand I was dealt. I smile and laugh when I'd rather cry. I look for the good in things. I take the bad in my life, and look for ways to make it fun, entertaining, or at least a great story. I hope for love again. I wish upon stars that I can no longer see.
So, what do I do all day? I live, just like everyone else....
Invisible illnesses are hard to explain. You can look, but not see them in people around you, but they are there. I look fit, and healthy. I function fairly well in places which are familiar, and where I know locations of things. Places which have adaptations for low and no vision.
These are my invisible illnesses...
Non-Paraneoplastic AutoImmune Retinopathy. There is no effective treatment, and no cure. Eyesight is down to finger counting. The left eye sees nothing except gray, black or white. In some light levels, I see very little. I rely on cues of shapes, shadows and the few colors that I can make out to extrapolate what is near me. The built in gps in my head is something that I always took for granted, and now am grateful for. It means that I don't get lost, know where I am, and always know what direction that I'm facing. In other light levels, either too bright or too dark, I see nothing at all. Stabbing headaches live behind the left eyeball which no pain pill can lessen.
Cataracts.
Moderate to Severe arthritis, depending on temperature and humidity levels.
Hearing loss, just enough to annoy me and to have to ask soft voices to repeat things, sometimes over and over. Tinnitus means there is a screaming mosquito noise 24/7 in my right ear.
Vertigo and dizziness. I'm always a bit off balance. Sometimes, it's bad enough to cause falls. I wear a lot of colorful bruises due to it. Vertigo can last from a few seconds to several hours at a time.
A cyst in my brain.
So, just what do I do all day long?
I keep my house clean, but often forget to dust or polish glass. Out of sight, out of mind. The toilet, however, sparkles. I sometimes cook, about once every couple of weeks, simple things, and enough of whatever it is to last for many meals. I eat a lot of peanut butter and fresh fruit because it's easier than burning myself on the stove, which I do almost every freakin' time. I wash dishes carefully by hand. I feed my dog and the fish every day. I take baths, shave my legs and other bits, brush my teeth, wash my face, and comb my hair. The shower brings on vertigo, so the tub is fine by me. I love to soak in the tub and just daydream in there sometimes. I use a 20x magnifying mirror to do my eye makeup which remains hidden behind the sunglasses that protect my eyes from more damage. I do a crappy job of trimming my bangs Finally learned to quit snipping my eyebrows and eyelids in the process, that hurts! Thank goodness that the bangs curl. I'm working on Braille lessons for at least three hours daily, often more, and am frustrated that I cannot learn it as easily as foreign languages. My finger tips don't have the sensitivity needed, and I'm trying to find a way to work around that limitation. I'm listening to a Stephen King book on tape. I water plants weekly. I grow unusual plants, a cinnamon tree from Sri Lanka among others. I mow every couple of weeks, it usually takes two or three days off and on to do it. I rake most of the leaves, or at least anything which the rake can catch, and bag it. I walk the dog when arthritis and vertigo aren't bad. On bad vertigo days, I remain on the floor except to let the dog in and out or to go to the bathroom. I get on the treadmill, and try for five miles daily, on bad arthritis days it's one mile very slowly, hanging onto the rails for dear life, but I still do it. I use hand weights daily to keep up my upper body strength. After all, I doubt some hottie in fireman garb will swoop in if I fall and can't get up. I moisturize religiously, and use sunscreen. I'm making an afghan, and keep tearing out the crocheting because it feels like crap, and I keep on trying, I will get it right. I go to the grocery store, gas station, the post office... All about four blocks away. Every four to six weeks, I go to walmart with a relative so I can get big things like dog food and toilet paper. Occasionally, I see family or friends. I call my dad who lives out of state. I listen to the "hear my Facebook" app read to me. That's how I stay in touch with most people in my life. I have apps to identify money, colors, magnify, and to read print aloud. I pay bills. I use a magnifier app to project things like mail onto the tv so that I can read them. I listen to football games, records, CDs, radio, to tv shows or movies, and books on tape. I listen to online college lectures on a variety of subjects. I'm dating...Went to lunch with two gentlemen, to the fair and out to dinner with a third one. I ride the etrike when light levels cooperate. I walk over to a used book store which is the library's fundraiser. I usually buy a few books at a quarter each, and put them in my guestroom. I change my sheets every other day. About once a month, i take my comforter to the laundromat, it's too big for the washing machine. I dress nicely every day, and do laundry. I hang most things on a wood rack or clothesline to dry. Instead of ironing, I tumble things in the dryer for a few minutes. Would like to say that I mend things, but my sewing skills are down to sewing buttons back on. I have a lot of craft and gardening books which I cannot read, and craft items that I hope to someday use. I still play a mean game of backgammon, using Braille dice. I make candy for the holidays, four ingredients, and no cooking involved. I changed the tire tube on my etrike the other day. Thankfully, the tire didn't have to be removed. I raised the rear axle by putting a flower pot under it. It took all afternoon and a butter knife (don't ask), but I got it done. I avidly follow news related to the space programs. I had, years ago, hoped to apply for the Mars trips, but this eye disease took that dream and stomped on it. I follow news and advances in my eye disease, which is mostly the same paragraph from years ago repeated and rehashed in the papers that others write. I hope for a cure. Nothing can restore the vision lost, but stopping the disease would help. I have dreams. I have hopes. I look for ways to live the best that I can, and to work around that which limits me. I deal with the soul sucking hand I was dealt. I smile and laugh when I'd rather cry. I look for the good in things. I take the bad in my life, and look for ways to make it fun, entertaining, or at least a great story. I hope for love again. I wish upon stars that I can no longer see.
So, what do I do all day? I live, just like everyone else....
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Tuesday night.
This evening, I'm sitting here on the loveseat admiring a beautiful bouquet of roses and sipping a glass of great wine. REM is on the stereo, my shoes are off, and I'm reflecting on a date which just ended a few minutes ago.
He picked me up at 6, bringing the flowers and wine, and we went out to dinner. We spent far more time talking than eating. Then we came back to my place and talked for hours more. Went out on the front porch for awhile, sat in the rockers and enjoyed the evening breezes. Perfect date, ending with a kiss...
That was our second date. He's the third gentleman that I've gone out with in the past week and a half. This whole dating thing isn't as scary as I thought it would be. I'm having fun getting to know new people. The guys are nice, perfect manners, gentlemen, and fun.
My brother-in-law has been reading me the riot act over online dating. He's concerned, and rightly so. In order to set his mind at ease, I made him one of my safe call people. He's reassured, and I feel good knowing he'll watch out for me.
On to other things....
The yard is raked and leaves are bagged for the moment. Found a fresh snakeskin while raking, not my idea of fun at all. Housekeeping caught up on, and laundry finished for the moment. Leftover chicken in the fridge from tonight's dinner will be dinner tomorrow night.
This week, I'm focusing on Braille lessons. More eye changes are scaring me, and lessening sight means even magnifying isn't helping much. You know, I've kept thinking that I had time to just play around with the lessons until I mastered them. It turns out that I don't. The left eye is gray, black, or white vision pretty much all of the time. The right one sees less and less. My time to see things is running out. As it is, I see very little when light conditions are good, nothing at all when they're poor. Thank goodness for apps which identify money, colors, magnify, and read print to me. Thankfully, I never get lost, and always know which direction that I'm facing. It's served me well all of my life, and I trust it will continue to do so. It's something I always took for granted, and that I'm extremely grateful for now.
I wish I had answers. How long will I have some sight? Will I keep light and dark, shapes and colors? According to the specialists "We think some of them. We just don't know, this disease is too rare." Those are my answers. No effective treatment, no cure.
So, I just keep plugging away. I do the best that I can, and tell myself that it's good enough. I've done the five stages of grief going through this disease.... Denial, bargaining, anger, whatever the hell the other one is, and finally acceptance. It's all that I can do.
I'm making the best life for myself that is possible. I work around my limitations as best that I can. I do that which I'm capable of. I eat right, mostly, get enough rest, and exercise every day. I keep learning, have some hobbies, spend time with friends and family.
I miss my old life. Going to work and being around people every day. Being able to get in the car and go places. Showing someone how to do something. Walking around with a baby in my arms. Seeing the traffic lights. Seeing the moon and stars. Going places at night without holding someone's arm or using the hated white cane. Wandering the bookstores, and buying any book which caught my eye. Heck, just dialing a phone number without siri's help, going to the drive-thru at a restaurant and seeing the menu from a car window.
It's a world which no longer exists for me. I understand it. I don't like it, but I accept it.
Enough for now.....
He picked me up at 6, bringing the flowers and wine, and we went out to dinner. We spent far more time talking than eating. Then we came back to my place and talked for hours more. Went out on the front porch for awhile, sat in the rockers and enjoyed the evening breezes. Perfect date, ending with a kiss...
That was our second date. He's the third gentleman that I've gone out with in the past week and a half. This whole dating thing isn't as scary as I thought it would be. I'm having fun getting to know new people. The guys are nice, perfect manners, gentlemen, and fun.
My brother-in-law has been reading me the riot act over online dating. He's concerned, and rightly so. In order to set his mind at ease, I made him one of my safe call people. He's reassured, and I feel good knowing he'll watch out for me.
On to other things....
The yard is raked and leaves are bagged for the moment. Found a fresh snakeskin while raking, not my idea of fun at all. Housekeeping caught up on, and laundry finished for the moment. Leftover chicken in the fridge from tonight's dinner will be dinner tomorrow night.
This week, I'm focusing on Braille lessons. More eye changes are scaring me, and lessening sight means even magnifying isn't helping much. You know, I've kept thinking that I had time to just play around with the lessons until I mastered them. It turns out that I don't. The left eye is gray, black, or white vision pretty much all of the time. The right one sees less and less. My time to see things is running out. As it is, I see very little when light conditions are good, nothing at all when they're poor. Thank goodness for apps which identify money, colors, magnify, and read print to me. Thankfully, I never get lost, and always know which direction that I'm facing. It's served me well all of my life, and I trust it will continue to do so. It's something I always took for granted, and that I'm extremely grateful for now.
I wish I had answers. How long will I have some sight? Will I keep light and dark, shapes and colors? According to the specialists "We think some of them. We just don't know, this disease is too rare." Those are my answers. No effective treatment, no cure.
So, I just keep plugging away. I do the best that I can, and tell myself that it's good enough. I've done the five stages of grief going through this disease.... Denial, bargaining, anger, whatever the hell the other one is, and finally acceptance. It's all that I can do.
I'm making the best life for myself that is possible. I work around my limitations as best that I can. I do that which I'm capable of. I eat right, mostly, get enough rest, and exercise every day. I keep learning, have some hobbies, spend time with friends and family.
I miss my old life. Going to work and being around people every day. Being able to get in the car and go places. Showing someone how to do something. Walking around with a baby in my arms. Seeing the traffic lights. Seeing the moon and stars. Going places at night without holding someone's arm or using the hated white cane. Wandering the bookstores, and buying any book which caught my eye. Heck, just dialing a phone number without siri's help, going to the drive-thru at a restaurant and seeing the menu from a car window.
It's a world which no longer exists for me. I understand it. I don't like it, but I accept it.
Enough for now.....
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Yep, I'm officially dating again
Took two Benadryl instead of Advil earlier, and it knocked me out cold. That'll teach me to not reach blindly into the drawer and grab the first pill bottle in reach.
I finally took my profile live on the dating website the other night. Wasn't certain that I was ready to put myself out there, and I'm still not sure. Anyway, I took the step. It was, in just a few minutes, like sharks circling chum. A few dozen messages, hundreds of views, a ton of winks, etc. Some messages really nice, others just plain weird. I'm completely overwhelmed. It was much more than I expected.
Sunday night...
Went on my first date this afternoon. Really nice guy, good looking, nice personality. He picked me up in his Porsche ragtop. We went on a ride to Jenks and ate at Ted's Escondido. We talked. Actually, I mostly listened and smiled. Still, I had a great time, and it was a great way to dip my toes in the dating pool. Don't know if we'll go out again, but it sure was fun.
Looks like I have a lunch date later this week.... With a different guy.
Getting the yard work caught up. Two bags of leaves won't fit in the trash can, three piles of leaves await bagging. The tree is full of bright green leaves. I suspect I'll be raking well into December. Since I like raking, and miss a lot each time, it will be nice to get fresh air when my planters are indoors and no longer need tending in the yard.
Bathed the Beastie yesterday. Each time gets easier. She and I are both happy when there is no battle to get her into a bath tub. She looks and smells terrific, wearing her little spritz of Chanel No. 5, just like mine.
Tonight, the house is clean. Chores are done, there's enough Mexican food in the fridge to feed me for a week. Was hoping to find some football on tv to listen to this evening, but it's on channels that I don't get. So, I've got Big Bang Theory on.
Soon, I need to get in the tub. After that ride in the ragtop, my hair still looks great, but I can't get a comb through it. About half an hour of deep conditioning should take care of it. Anyway, time to get to it.
Enough for now.....
I finally took my profile live on the dating website the other night. Wasn't certain that I was ready to put myself out there, and I'm still not sure. Anyway, I took the step. It was, in just a few minutes, like sharks circling chum. A few dozen messages, hundreds of views, a ton of winks, etc. Some messages really nice, others just plain weird. I'm completely overwhelmed. It was much more than I expected.
Sunday night...
Went on my first date this afternoon. Really nice guy, good looking, nice personality. He picked me up in his Porsche ragtop. We went on a ride to Jenks and ate at Ted's Escondido. We talked. Actually, I mostly listened and smiled. Still, I had a great time, and it was a great way to dip my toes in the dating pool. Don't know if we'll go out again, but it sure was fun.
Looks like I have a lunch date later this week.... With a different guy.
Getting the yard work caught up. Two bags of leaves won't fit in the trash can, three piles of leaves await bagging. The tree is full of bright green leaves. I suspect I'll be raking well into December. Since I like raking, and miss a lot each time, it will be nice to get fresh air when my planters are indoors and no longer need tending in the yard.
Bathed the Beastie yesterday. Each time gets easier. She and I are both happy when there is no battle to get her into a bath tub. She looks and smells terrific, wearing her little spritz of Chanel No. 5, just like mine.
Tonight, the house is clean. Chores are done, there's enough Mexican food in the fridge to feed me for a week. Was hoping to find some football on tv to listen to this evening, but it's on channels that I don't get. So, I've got Big Bang Theory on.
Soon, I need to get in the tub. After that ride in the ragtop, my hair still looks great, but I can't get a comb through it. About half an hour of deep conditioning should take care of it. Anyway, time to get to it.
Enough for now.....
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
More changes, anger, and frustration
I'm finding that, as my vision lessens, that I'm spending more time tweaking my methods of coping around my home. Trying to stay at least one step ahead keeps me on my toes, and sparks my creativity.
I'm putting brightly colored items on furniture corners, raised felt and plastic bumps on appliances which have touch functions (why on earth is it so difficult to find new appliances with knobs or dials?). A rug in front of the sink ensures I can locate it. Alarms are set on my phone to remind me to check the Beastie's food and water bowls. Another alarm reminds me when to feed the fish. Huge felt letters are rubber banded to food packages as well as medications and beauty items. Safety pins with different size beads organize my clothing. White tape marks the edges of my steps.
The time I will be able to ride the Etrike is pretty much over. I can no longer make out vehicles or pedestrians on the road unless they're in high contrast to their surroundings or moving. As much as I hate to, I have stop riding. At least I'm realizing that rather than putting myself and others in danger.
What really gets me is that I'll be using the white cane soon. I do what I can to avoid it, like only going out during hours when the sun is at it's highest. I've had the training to use it, and I'm comfortable knowing that it will get me around.
But, I hate it. I hate that I will have to depend on it to get me around. I hate that it will make me stand out as a blind person. I hate that my stupid eye disease has progressed to the point where I need it to get around. I hate that there is no effective treatment or a cure. I hate that the treatments that we did try not only did not work, but that one of them made me so ill that I'm still recovering from it more than a year later.
The loss of even more independence has me extremely frustrated and angry tonight.
I ran errands today. The post office, dollar store, grocery store and the gas station filled my shopping bag. No more canned goods or liquids due to the weight. Time to change my diet, and base it on the weight of the food I can carry home while walking. More adjustments to make, but I'm okay with that. Coffee cans and tea bags weigh less than bottles of fruit juice, so I'll need to add vitamin c to my diet.
Enough griping for now.....
I'm putting brightly colored items on furniture corners, raised felt and plastic bumps on appliances which have touch functions (why on earth is it so difficult to find new appliances with knobs or dials?). A rug in front of the sink ensures I can locate it. Alarms are set on my phone to remind me to check the Beastie's food and water bowls. Another alarm reminds me when to feed the fish. Huge felt letters are rubber banded to food packages as well as medications and beauty items. Safety pins with different size beads organize my clothing. White tape marks the edges of my steps.
The time I will be able to ride the Etrike is pretty much over. I can no longer make out vehicles or pedestrians on the road unless they're in high contrast to their surroundings or moving. As much as I hate to, I have stop riding. At least I'm realizing that rather than putting myself and others in danger.
What really gets me is that I'll be using the white cane soon. I do what I can to avoid it, like only going out during hours when the sun is at it's highest. I've had the training to use it, and I'm comfortable knowing that it will get me around.
But, I hate it. I hate that I will have to depend on it to get me around. I hate that it will make me stand out as a blind person. I hate that my stupid eye disease has progressed to the point where I need it to get around. I hate that there is no effective treatment or a cure. I hate that the treatments that we did try not only did not work, but that one of them made me so ill that I'm still recovering from it more than a year later.
The loss of even more independence has me extremely frustrated and angry tonight.
I ran errands today. The post office, dollar store, grocery store and the gas station filled my shopping bag. No more canned goods or liquids due to the weight. Time to change my diet, and base it on the weight of the food I can carry home while walking. More adjustments to make, but I'm okay with that. Coffee cans and tea bags weigh less than bottles of fruit juice, so I'll need to add vitamin c to my diet.
Enough griping for now.....
Monday, September 22, 2014
Small explanation
Note, the difference in the description of my sister-in-law's house is that 3000 square feet is the main portion of the house, the extra 1500 square feet includes the storage room, covered patios and carport.
Playing Catchup.....
Just returned home on Friday night from spending a few days at my sister-in-law's home. She finally sold her place, and Friday was the closing. We've been packing, and moving her from a 4500 square foot home into a 900 square foot one. Her coworkers came and held a garage sale as the moving trucks loaded and went. Pure chaos, and a lot of fun. We had her three dogs, one disturbed cat, an ex husband, kids, Grandkids, tons of relatives, and my beastie. Would love to say that it all went smoothly, but it was more like trying to lasso jello.
I'm going to miss that house. Three levels, four bedrooms of which two were master bedrooms, three baths, huge 7x8 walk-in closets in every room and hallway. Each level was larger than my entire house. The ground level was twice the size of my place. There was a lot of love and laughter in that house. Most of our family gatherings were held there. It was packed full of memories.
I ended up with new (to me) furniture, a loveseat and a recliner, some small appliances, a flower vase, etc. Living with patio furniture, I'd forgotten what it's like to have a comfortable place to sit or curl up. Makes me really appreciate having it.
Oh, and somehow I ended up with another beta fish. He's a Crowntail, purple, and is supposed to be "a hateful little creature". Don't know about that part, he seems quite happy in his new bowl. Perhaps he just didn't like being in a big tank with a lot of other fish.
My nephew took me for a ride on his Harley. It was scary, and so much fun! I loved every second of it. Last time I rode on a motorcycle was before I got pregnant with my youngest child, over 25 years ago. It was a real treat, something I never thought I'd ever get to do again.
Saturday was the memorial service for the mother of a close friend and family member. Her gardens were full of flowers and children playing. There were tables set up in the yard, folks lounging on the porches, photo albums everywhere, and enough food to feed a third world country. Dozens of people came, and there were a lot of memories shared, along with laughter and tears. Lovely, she would have been so happy to see everyone there.
I am worn out. It's been a long week, and I've overdone it. My own home has been neglected while I've been gone. The house itself is clean, but there is laundry and yard work to be tended to. There is some food in the fridge to be thrown out, since I wasn't home to eat it. The front porch and sidewalk need sweeping, and the gardens could use a good drink. With rain expected tomorrow, I may be able to get out of watering the flower pots.
I wasted my time on Sunday dinking with the cheap indoor antenna. After seven hours, I now have five regular tv channels and three shopping channels as long as there is no breeze or rain happening outdoors. Makes me happy to be able to listen to football games again, as well as being able to hear the local news.
Later...
Pretty much caught up, except for dusting the furniture and raking the yard. Even managed to bathe the Beastie, which makes me extremely happy. Found out that my little mega ticket won $15. Since I had to walk downtown and run a few errands this afternoon, I treated the Beastie and myself to a vanilla milkshake. It's in the freezer, we'll share it later.
Enough for now.....
I'm going to miss that house. Three levels, four bedrooms of which two were master bedrooms, three baths, huge 7x8 walk-in closets in every room and hallway. Each level was larger than my entire house. The ground level was twice the size of my place. There was a lot of love and laughter in that house. Most of our family gatherings were held there. It was packed full of memories.
I ended up with new (to me) furniture, a loveseat and a recliner, some small appliances, a flower vase, etc. Living with patio furniture, I'd forgotten what it's like to have a comfortable place to sit or curl up. Makes me really appreciate having it.
Oh, and somehow I ended up with another beta fish. He's a Crowntail, purple, and is supposed to be "a hateful little creature". Don't know about that part, he seems quite happy in his new bowl. Perhaps he just didn't like being in a big tank with a lot of other fish.
My nephew took me for a ride on his Harley. It was scary, and so much fun! I loved every second of it. Last time I rode on a motorcycle was before I got pregnant with my youngest child, over 25 years ago. It was a real treat, something I never thought I'd ever get to do again.
Saturday was the memorial service for the mother of a close friend and family member. Her gardens were full of flowers and children playing. There were tables set up in the yard, folks lounging on the porches, photo albums everywhere, and enough food to feed a third world country. Dozens of people came, and there were a lot of memories shared, along with laughter and tears. Lovely, she would have been so happy to see everyone there.
I am worn out. It's been a long week, and I've overdone it. My own home has been neglected while I've been gone. The house itself is clean, but there is laundry and yard work to be tended to. There is some food in the fridge to be thrown out, since I wasn't home to eat it. The front porch and sidewalk need sweeping, and the gardens could use a good drink. With rain expected tomorrow, I may be able to get out of watering the flower pots.
I wasted my time on Sunday dinking with the cheap indoor antenna. After seven hours, I now have five regular tv channels and three shopping channels as long as there is no breeze or rain happening outdoors. Makes me happy to be able to listen to football games again, as well as being able to hear the local news.
Later...
Pretty much caught up, except for dusting the furniture and raking the yard. Even managed to bathe the Beastie, which makes me extremely happy. Found out that my little mega ticket won $15. Since I had to walk downtown and run a few errands this afternoon, I treated the Beastie and myself to a vanilla milkshake. It's in the freezer, we'll share it later.
Enough for now.....
Friday, September 12, 2014
Friday
Tonight, I'm enjoying a Six Feet Under marathon. A big bowl of popcorn, incense, a few lit candles, and the Beastie at my feet are making for a lovely evening. I got most of my daily workout in before my knee called a screaming halt. A long soak in the tub ensures that I can now crash when I'm tired.
Got about two-thirds of the front and side yards mowed earlier. The backyard is so full of leaves that I have to rake before it can be mowed. That can wait for tomorrow, or even a warmer day. I'm in no hurry.
Thinking about bringing some of the plants indoors. I miss having my plants inside. It brings color and life, and purifies the air, plus adds to the decor. I'm sure they'll pout and drop leaves in protest. They usually do. Brats.
Helping a sister-in-law move tomorrow. After two years she finally sold her place. It contains thirty years worth of stuff, 3000 square feet of it. She has a garage sale going at the same time. I know it will be pure chaos, but fun. Her brother is picking me up in the morning. I predict an immediate stop for good coffee, followed by a day of hard labor. Hopefully, I will be of some help rather than a hindrance.
Still not dating. I'm scared. Scared of not being able to see the person I'm with. Not knowing how safe I am. Not knowing where I am or who is near me. I'm scared of being left alone in an unfamiliar place. I'm scared of not being able to get to a safe place if all doesn't go well for any reason.
It was so much easier to date when I could see. Reading faces, body language, and intentions was just part and parcel of being with someone. I'm learning to trust based on tone of voice and just words. But, I'm still not ready to trust myself with new people.
Enough for now....
Got about two-thirds of the front and side yards mowed earlier. The backyard is so full of leaves that I have to rake before it can be mowed. That can wait for tomorrow, or even a warmer day. I'm in no hurry.
Thinking about bringing some of the plants indoors. I miss having my plants inside. It brings color and life, and purifies the air, plus adds to the decor. I'm sure they'll pout and drop leaves in protest. They usually do. Brats.
Helping a sister-in-law move tomorrow. After two years she finally sold her place. It contains thirty years worth of stuff, 3000 square feet of it. She has a garage sale going at the same time. I know it will be pure chaos, but fun. Her brother is picking me up in the morning. I predict an immediate stop for good coffee, followed by a day of hard labor. Hopefully, I will be of some help rather than a hindrance.
Still not dating. I'm scared. Scared of not being able to see the person I'm with. Not knowing how safe I am. Not knowing where I am or who is near me. I'm scared of being left alone in an unfamiliar place. I'm scared of not being able to get to a safe place if all doesn't go well for any reason.
It was so much easier to date when I could see. Reading faces, body language, and intentions was just part and parcel of being with someone. I'm learning to trust based on tone of voice and just words. But, I'm still not ready to trust myself with new people.
Enough for now....
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Midweek
Good week so far, considering that it is only a few days into it. A friend came by and brought donuts this morning. We had a great visit. Chatted about our children and families, and played catchup on what's been going on in our lives.
The house is clean, meals made for the week. Only thing left to do today is to change the sheets.
Still messaging back and forth with my male friend. Who knows, we may end up going out. I really don't want just a playmate. I function at my best in a relationship. Being on my own is enlightening, but it just isn't who I am. Plus, I'm not into hookups and casual sex. I want to have the love, romance, time spent together, caring and sharing.
Watered the front garden today, it's been sorely neglected. I noticed a lot more green than should be there. So, there will be some weeding done. Hopefully, I'll pull up only the plants which are not supposed to be there.
New changes with sight loss. When I look at dark colored Things, everything blacks out completely. There's absolutely nothing. With it comes a hard hit of vertigo. Horribly disorienting, and frightening when it occurs dozens of times daily. It also happens when I see something too bright. In that instance, it's a complete whiteout. I'm keeping lights on now from late afternoon to late morning.
Would love to paint the interior of the house in lighter colors. That would make things safer for me. Four of the rooms, as well as the closets, have panelling. The other three rooms are solid white, and lead into each other, with nothing to show contrast. But, with this place being a rental, and with paneled walls, it won't happen. So, I use landmarks around the house. Brightly colored artwork, accessories, and similar things near door frames to let me know they're nearby. It's not ideal, but it helps to find my way around.
Enough for now....
The house is clean, meals made for the week. Only thing left to do today is to change the sheets.
Still messaging back and forth with my male friend. Who knows, we may end up going out. I really don't want just a playmate. I function at my best in a relationship. Being on my own is enlightening, but it just isn't who I am. Plus, I'm not into hookups and casual sex. I want to have the love, romance, time spent together, caring and sharing.
Watered the front garden today, it's been sorely neglected. I noticed a lot more green than should be there. So, there will be some weeding done. Hopefully, I'll pull up only the plants which are not supposed to be there.
New changes with sight loss. When I look at dark colored Things, everything blacks out completely. There's absolutely nothing. With it comes a hard hit of vertigo. Horribly disorienting, and frightening when it occurs dozens of times daily. It also happens when I see something too bright. In that instance, it's a complete whiteout. I'm keeping lights on now from late afternoon to late morning.
Would love to paint the interior of the house in lighter colors. That would make things safer for me. Four of the rooms, as well as the closets, have panelling. The other three rooms are solid white, and lead into each other, with nothing to show contrast. But, with this place being a rental, and with paneled walls, it won't happen. So, I use landmarks around the house. Brightly colored artwork, accessories, and similar things near door frames to let me know they're nearby. It's not ideal, but it helps to find my way around.
Enough for now....
Monday, August 11, 2014
Monday it is.....
I have a lovely CrownTail Beta, dark blue, who goes by the handle of Garfunkel. He has two bowls, so each week he moves from one clean bowl to another. The bowl sits on a table in the middle of my living room, centered on a silver tray. Next to his bowl sits a rose painted sugar bowl, which holds his food. I discovered that he enjoys having lit candles near him. He follows the flame, seeming to enjoy the light and movement. I cannot imagine that the life of a pet fish is interesting. But, having no desire for him to die of boredom, it is a simple thing to provide him with some forms of stimulation. Light, movement, music, the Beastie and I all manage to provide changing scenery for him.
I received a lovely bouquet of flowers. Each bloom larger than my hand, the air throughout the house is sweetly scented. I can make out the pink and white star shape of the blossoms, and can easily picture their beauty. I so adore StarGazer Lillies, and Really should order them more often. I keep talking about placing a standing order for them, but never do.
A former family member made me a quilt. It's spread out on the ottoman, where I can enjoy it. There are many lovely fabrics and textures in it. The color scheme contains mainly pinks and reds, the patterns are soft and feminine. It's all handmade, with my name embroidered upon it.
Tomorrow, I will write and send a thank you note to her. She was wonderful to have spent countless hours making it for me. Special lady, she was my mother in law for a couple of decades, we are still close. I'm glad that she and I are still part of each other's lives.
I'm a firm believer in the adage, have nothing in your home unless it is useful or beautiful. I believe that it must all be beautiful. Even though I cannot see much of my home and possessions, I want to know that my surroundings are pleasing to the eye, even though the eyes which see them are not mine. My furnishings are simple, wicker patio furniture in the living room, covered with throws and comfy pillows. My dining chairs have been recovered at least a dozen times since they were given to me years ago, as well as painted a few times. My home has plants, lots of family photos, books, music, comfortable places to curl up, fresh flowers, etc. I use old, lovely things rather than putting them away for special occasions. Even my broom has hand painted flowers on it.
Enough for now......
I received a lovely bouquet of flowers. Each bloom larger than my hand, the air throughout the house is sweetly scented. I can make out the pink and white star shape of the blossoms, and can easily picture their beauty. I so adore StarGazer Lillies, and Really should order them more often. I keep talking about placing a standing order for them, but never do.
A former family member made me a quilt. It's spread out on the ottoman, where I can enjoy it. There are many lovely fabrics and textures in it. The color scheme contains mainly pinks and reds, the patterns are soft and feminine. It's all handmade, with my name embroidered upon it.
Tomorrow, I will write and send a thank you note to her. She was wonderful to have spent countless hours making it for me. Special lady, she was my mother in law for a couple of decades, we are still close. I'm glad that she and I are still part of each other's lives.
I'm a firm believer in the adage, have nothing in your home unless it is useful or beautiful. I believe that it must all be beautiful. Even though I cannot see much of my home and possessions, I want to know that my surroundings are pleasing to the eye, even though the eyes which see them are not mine. My furnishings are simple, wicker patio furniture in the living room, covered with throws and comfy pillows. My dining chairs have been recovered at least a dozen times since they were given to me years ago, as well as painted a few times. My home has plants, lots of family photos, books, music, comfortable places to curl up, fresh flowers, etc. I use old, lovely things rather than putting them away for special occasions. Even my broom has hand painted flowers on it.
Enough for now......
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Sunday.....
Well, I guess I didn't scare him off after all. We spent hours messaging back and forth the other night. Nice guy, he's looking more for a playmate than a long term relationship. Maybe I will go out with him, have some fun.
I talked to my father today. It is his eighty third birthday. I miss him, there are hundreds of miles between us. Thankfully, we are only a phone call apart. I still have, and treasure, the small rocking chair that he gave me. It was a special gift, given to me on the day he adopted me, fifty one years ago.
It's still awhile before sunset. The drapes are widely opened, and the blinds are raised in all of the rooms. Except for the light close to the windows, I can see nothing in the house.
I've lost more sight. It takes more and more light in order to see anything. And yet, when the light is too bright, everything is whited out. I can make out bright colors, and most of the reds. The rest of the color spectrum is just muddy. I miss the royal purples, sapphires, teals, emerald green, the golds, and the smoky grays. All of my favorite colors are now memories, seen only in my dreams, where everything is so incredibly vivid and clear.
So I mourn the newest loss of sight, it leaves in increments. Each loss takes with it more of my freedom and mobility. Three years ago it took my ability to drive, and that broke my heart. It's taken the faces of my loved ones, even with magnifying glasses, the photos are blurs. I've not seen my granddaughter's face since she was a newborn. Now four years old, she is a blond blur. My grandson was three when I last saw his face clearly. I can only guess at what his appearance is.
Discovered something new today. Rather than battle the sixty pound Beastie, trying to wrestle her into the bathtub, she will happily sit still and let me give her a sponge bath. It was the most easy and pleasant bath that I've given her. After six years with her, this is the first time we've done that. The best part is, that I did not get a single scratch or bruise in the process.
I'm listening to the tv series, "The Tudors". It's an interesting view of Henry VIII and the time period I love celebrating at the Renaissance Fairres. Periodically, I pause the show, getting close to the tv screen with a magnifying glass. I'm trying to see the scenery, period clothing, and what I imagine to be, beautiful sets.
Tonight, I'm eating watermelon for dinner. They taste so good this time of year, I'd rather eat them than anything else in the summer. Tomorrow, I need to travel to the grocery store and pick up more of them. The basket of my etrike will hold two, along with a small amount of groceries.
Enough for now.....
I talked to my father today. It is his eighty third birthday. I miss him, there are hundreds of miles between us. Thankfully, we are only a phone call apart. I still have, and treasure, the small rocking chair that he gave me. It was a special gift, given to me on the day he adopted me, fifty one years ago.
It's still awhile before sunset. The drapes are widely opened, and the blinds are raised in all of the rooms. Except for the light close to the windows, I can see nothing in the house.
I've lost more sight. It takes more and more light in order to see anything. And yet, when the light is too bright, everything is whited out. I can make out bright colors, and most of the reds. The rest of the color spectrum is just muddy. I miss the royal purples, sapphires, teals, emerald green, the golds, and the smoky grays. All of my favorite colors are now memories, seen only in my dreams, where everything is so incredibly vivid and clear.
So I mourn the newest loss of sight, it leaves in increments. Each loss takes with it more of my freedom and mobility. Three years ago it took my ability to drive, and that broke my heart. It's taken the faces of my loved ones, even with magnifying glasses, the photos are blurs. I've not seen my granddaughter's face since she was a newborn. Now four years old, she is a blond blur. My grandson was three when I last saw his face clearly. I can only guess at what his appearance is.
Discovered something new today. Rather than battle the sixty pound Beastie, trying to wrestle her into the bathtub, she will happily sit still and let me give her a sponge bath. It was the most easy and pleasant bath that I've given her. After six years with her, this is the first time we've done that. The best part is, that I did not get a single scratch or bruise in the process.
I'm listening to the tv series, "The Tudors". It's an interesting view of Henry VIII and the time period I love celebrating at the Renaissance Fairres. Periodically, I pause the show, getting close to the tv screen with a magnifying glass. I'm trying to see the scenery, period clothing, and what I imagine to be, beautiful sets.
Tonight, I'm eating watermelon for dinner. They taste so good this time of year, I'd rather eat them than anything else in the summer. Tomorrow, I need to travel to the grocery store and pick up more of them. The basket of my etrike will hold two, along with a small amount of groceries.
Enough for now.....
Friday, August 1, 2014
Maybe Dating Again Someday....
I'm thinking about dating again. At times I think I'm ready. At others, I wonder about it. Am I ready to invite someone, even casually, into my life? I've been alone for over six months, and would like to spend time with someone. There's a difference between alone and lonely. I know them both well.
Still, I think I'd like to get out some. To go on dates, and have some fun. To spend time with someone nice, who likes me. Who doesn't want to change me.
I wonder what it will be like to date since I can no longer see faces. It worries me to not see facial expressions, to miss cues like smiles and frowns.
Finding a guy is easy. I meet them all of the time. They give me their phone numbers. I haven't given out mine so far.
One guy that I've known for years kept hitting on me until I told him about my health, vision, etc. Thought that I'd be upfront and honest, and not lead him on. Well, the news is that I've not heard from him since. Not many guys want to take on a relationship with someone who has health problems, especially some that are fairly serious.
I get it, I really do. If I was interested in someone, and they told me that they had major health problems, I'd have to think it over. I'd not rule them out, but I would look at it from all angles.
So, no matter how good I look, how nicely I dress, whether or not I'm a lady (I am), the facts that I'm smart, funny, kind, well read, and play a mean game of backgammon, and have excellent taste, etc. Are balanced against the illness factors. The blindness and health issues will be either the jokers or the trump cards.
I'll just have to see how it all plays out.....
Still, I think I'd like to get out some. To go on dates, and have some fun. To spend time with someone nice, who likes me. Who doesn't want to change me.
I wonder what it will be like to date since I can no longer see faces. It worries me to not see facial expressions, to miss cues like smiles and frowns.
Finding a guy is easy. I meet them all of the time. They give me their phone numbers. I haven't given out mine so far.
One guy that I've known for years kept hitting on me until I told him about my health, vision, etc. Thought that I'd be upfront and honest, and not lead him on. Well, the news is that I've not heard from him since. Not many guys want to take on a relationship with someone who has health problems, especially some that are fairly serious.
I get it, I really do. If I was interested in someone, and they told me that they had major health problems, I'd have to think it over. I'd not rule them out, but I would look at it from all angles.
So, no matter how good I look, how nicely I dress, whether or not I'm a lady (I am), the facts that I'm smart, funny, kind, well read, and play a mean game of backgammon, and have excellent taste, etc. Are balanced against the illness factors. The blindness and health issues will be either the jokers or the trump cards.
I'll just have to see how it all plays out.....
Sunday, July 27, 2014
It's the weekend!
Loving our beautiful Oklahoma summers. Lots of sunshine and light breezes. I go out in the mornings and evenings. The days are far too hot. It's 99 degrees as I'm writing this.
Today, I'm pampering myself. A long soak in the tub, a mani-pedi, chocolate, a bbc marathon, homemade (by me, long ago) cranberry cordial in a crystal goblet. Pure heaven, I'm loving every moment.
Tonight, I'm having strawberries from a friend's garden. Tiny, ruby red, and extremely sweet. It's so nice that she thought of me, and I'm savoring every bite.
No weekend plans. I kind of like that. Years ago it would have bothered me a lot to not have the weekend booked solid. Now, I just have peace and quiet. I only go out when I'm in the mood.
I was invited to a weekend PowWow by friends and family. I'm not Native American, but I really enjoy the culture. There's a lot of honor and respect shown that is rarely seen anymore.
My nephew was delighted by the telescope. I'm delighted with the newly freed up closet space. He'll take it home to Fort Worth next month when school starts. Wonderful to be able to pass things on to the younger generation.
Thinking of doing a bit of rearranging around the house. I'd like to have the treadmill near a window which opens, and which has a view. It's currently in a place which receives full morning sun.
That's where I'd like to put the Cinnamon and Key Lime Trees this winter, along with the Persian Shields. The other plants are heartier and will thrive in the unheated mudroom. Some plants need pampering, and I still recall my daughter referring to my houseplants as "death row inmates" when she was alive. I've improved my horticultural skills over the years.
Enough for now....
Today, I'm pampering myself. A long soak in the tub, a mani-pedi, chocolate, a bbc marathon, homemade (by me, long ago) cranberry cordial in a crystal goblet. Pure heaven, I'm loving every moment.
Tonight, I'm having strawberries from a friend's garden. Tiny, ruby red, and extremely sweet. It's so nice that she thought of me, and I'm savoring every bite.
No weekend plans. I kind of like that. Years ago it would have bothered me a lot to not have the weekend booked solid. Now, I just have peace and quiet. I only go out when I'm in the mood.
I was invited to a weekend PowWow by friends and family. I'm not Native American, but I really enjoy the culture. There's a lot of honor and respect shown that is rarely seen anymore.
My nephew was delighted by the telescope. I'm delighted with the newly freed up closet space. He'll take it home to Fort Worth next month when school starts. Wonderful to be able to pass things on to the younger generation.
Thinking of doing a bit of rearranging around the house. I'd like to have the treadmill near a window which opens, and which has a view. It's currently in a place which receives full morning sun.
That's where I'd like to put the Cinnamon and Key Lime Trees this winter, along with the Persian Shields. The other plants are heartier and will thrive in the unheated mudroom. Some plants need pampering, and I still recall my daughter referring to my houseplants as "death row inmates" when she was alive. I've improved my horticultural skills over the years.
Enough for now....
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Thursday Afternoon...
I'm making an afghan. Yes, an old lady thing, but with a twist. It's all Doctor Who. Hi, my name is Suzanne, and I'm a Whovian. Something fun to do. I've been working on it for weeks. There is still a lot to do. Open areas awaiting inspiration and fresh ideas. Crocheted borders wait for clipped yarn edges. A lighted magnifier on the dining table assists with the main project.
It's been a lovely week so far. I attended a baby shower to welcome a new great niece. It was held at the Burnett Mansion. Until recently it was a private home, about six thousand square feet, if memory serves. There is even a ballroom. It's a gorgeous place. Easy to imagine the gracious lives that once were lived there. I saw relatives, former relatives, and many friends. I cuddled and rocked our newest little one for a long time. That was the best part.
A trip to Porter to get some peaches was fun. People were lined up to the road to get in. It was worth the wait, the peaches are delicious. I've been eating those, and bananas all week. Hopefully, I'll lose a few pounds in the process. There were so many that I've taken some to friends.
The yard is mowed. I use an old fashioned reel mower. Simple to use, no fuel or any maintenance to deal with, and easy to push. I miss quite a bit every time I mow. The way I handle it is to hope that I miss different areas each time.
The house is clean, and the laundry is caught up. I tried a different brand of bleach, and now my knickers are yellow. Not bleach yellow, more a sunshine kind of yellow. Just as well, I have a linen dress from Haiti. It's a bright, sunny, yellow. I guess it works out in my favor.
Tonight, I finished listening to a season of Upstairs Downstairs. Now, I'm starting a season of Buffy. It's a cheesy, fun show, with a lot of sass. Some nights I listen to music, others I listen to tv shows or a movie. On others, I listen to books. Variety being the spice of life, and all that.
Later, my nephew will come and stay for the night. I got my old telescope out of the closet today, and will give it to him. He's a science geek, planning his future at MIT and beyond. Last year, we bonded over Quantum Physics. This year, we're having fun over everything science related.
I'm taking a comforter to the laundromat, and plan to bathe my beastie. Those are my big chores for the day, along with dusting. I try to stay on top of the big chores.
Enough for now....
It's been a lovely week so far. I attended a baby shower to welcome a new great niece. It was held at the Burnett Mansion. Until recently it was a private home, about six thousand square feet, if memory serves. There is even a ballroom. It's a gorgeous place. Easy to imagine the gracious lives that once were lived there. I saw relatives, former relatives, and many friends. I cuddled and rocked our newest little one for a long time. That was the best part.
A trip to Porter to get some peaches was fun. People were lined up to the road to get in. It was worth the wait, the peaches are delicious. I've been eating those, and bananas all week. Hopefully, I'll lose a few pounds in the process. There were so many that I've taken some to friends.
The yard is mowed. I use an old fashioned reel mower. Simple to use, no fuel or any maintenance to deal with, and easy to push. I miss quite a bit every time I mow. The way I handle it is to hope that I miss different areas each time.
The house is clean, and the laundry is caught up. I tried a different brand of bleach, and now my knickers are yellow. Not bleach yellow, more a sunshine kind of yellow. Just as well, I have a linen dress from Haiti. It's a bright, sunny, yellow. I guess it works out in my favor.
Tonight, I finished listening to a season of Upstairs Downstairs. Now, I'm starting a season of Buffy. It's a cheesy, fun show, with a lot of sass. Some nights I listen to music, others I listen to tv shows or a movie. On others, I listen to books. Variety being the spice of life, and all that.
Later, my nephew will come and stay for the night. I got my old telescope out of the closet today, and will give it to him. He's a science geek, planning his future at MIT and beyond. Last year, we bonded over Quantum Physics. This year, we're having fun over everything science related.
I'm taking a comforter to the laundromat, and plan to bathe my beastie. Those are my big chores for the day, along with dusting. I try to stay on top of the big chores.
Enough for now....
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Beginning Anew......
New beginnings. That is what life is all about.
So, here I am. Single, as in, the divorce was finalized yesterday. I've been single less than three years of my adult life. Not sure I like it, too quiet. And yet, I like making a life which is not dependent on another person's plans and wants.
I live in a small rural town which is on a lake, not far from Tulsa, Oklahoma. I'm living in a 1920's cottage on a quiet street corner. Mostly original, only the bath has been updated. It's a real charmer. Two huge shady trees, big front porch, a fenced yard. A lot of flowers growing out front as well as in back.
I have a beastie. She's a Saint Bernard/Brittany mix. Clever.... She understands commands in four languages, and we're working on a fifth one. She's also trained to assist me with vertigo and some hearing loss. I'm cross training her to be a guide dog.
Depending on light levels, I'm either mostly blind or completely blind. Almost four years ago, I started losing vision. It took two years and nine eye specialists to find out why. It turns out that I have npAIR, non-paraneoplastic AutoImmune Retinopathy. No effective treatment, and no cure. As far as I'm concerned, it just flat out sucks rocks. I've had occupational therapy in order to care for my home. White Cane training ensures I can get around safely.
I love my life... I have interests and hobbies that I enjoy. Lots of friends, although few extremely close ones. A lot of family nearby as well as scattered all over the world. A great nephew staying with me part of this summer, usually two nights weekly is great company.
I live a green lifestyle. Not a conscious choice, it just sort of occurred. And, somehow, it works for me. With very few electrical outlets in my home, I use a lot of solar lighting. Put them out in the morning to soak up the sun's rays, and bring them in at night to provide lighting for rooms with either one or no electrical outlets. I ride an etrike, since I'm no longer able to drive. I launder with cold water. My few appliances use little power, most are apartment sized. I rarely cook, usually once every few weeks. The stove is mainly used to heat water for tea.
This is my life. Not perfect, but it is mine. I like it, even enjoy most of it. And I like myself. I like the person whom I've become over five decades.
This is where I keep my online diary.
So, here I am. Single, as in, the divorce was finalized yesterday. I've been single less than three years of my adult life. Not sure I like it, too quiet. And yet, I like making a life which is not dependent on another person's plans and wants.
I live in a small rural town which is on a lake, not far from Tulsa, Oklahoma. I'm living in a 1920's cottage on a quiet street corner. Mostly original, only the bath has been updated. It's a real charmer. Two huge shady trees, big front porch, a fenced yard. A lot of flowers growing out front as well as in back.
I have a beastie. She's a Saint Bernard/Brittany mix. Clever.... She understands commands in four languages, and we're working on a fifth one. She's also trained to assist me with vertigo and some hearing loss. I'm cross training her to be a guide dog.
Depending on light levels, I'm either mostly blind or completely blind. Almost four years ago, I started losing vision. It took two years and nine eye specialists to find out why. It turns out that I have npAIR, non-paraneoplastic AutoImmune Retinopathy. No effective treatment, and no cure. As far as I'm concerned, it just flat out sucks rocks. I've had occupational therapy in order to care for my home. White Cane training ensures I can get around safely.
I love my life... I have interests and hobbies that I enjoy. Lots of friends, although few extremely close ones. A lot of family nearby as well as scattered all over the world. A great nephew staying with me part of this summer, usually two nights weekly is great company.
I live a green lifestyle. Not a conscious choice, it just sort of occurred. And, somehow, it works for me. With very few electrical outlets in my home, I use a lot of solar lighting. Put them out in the morning to soak up the sun's rays, and bring them in at night to provide lighting for rooms with either one or no electrical outlets. I ride an etrike, since I'm no longer able to drive. I launder with cold water. My few appliances use little power, most are apartment sized. I rarely cook, usually once every few weeks. The stove is mainly used to heat water for tea.
This is my life. Not perfect, but it is mine. I like it, even enjoy most of it. And I like myself. I like the person whom I've become over five decades.
This is where I keep my online diary.
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