This evening, I'm sitting here on the loveseat admiring a beautiful bouquet of roses and sipping a glass of great wine. REM is on the stereo, my shoes are off, and I'm reflecting on a date which just ended a few minutes ago.
He picked me up at 6, bringing the flowers and wine, and we went out to dinner. We spent far more time talking than eating. Then we came back to my place and talked for hours more. Went out on the front porch for awhile, sat in the rockers and enjoyed the evening breezes. Perfect date, ending with a kiss...
That was our second date. He's the third gentleman that I've gone out with in the past week and a half. This whole dating thing isn't as scary as I thought it would be. I'm having fun getting to know new people. The guys are nice, perfect manners, gentlemen, and fun.
My brother-in-law has been reading me the riot act over online dating. He's concerned, and rightly so. In order to set his mind at ease, I made him one of my safe call people. He's reassured, and I feel good knowing he'll watch out for me.
On to other things....
The yard is raked and leaves are bagged for the moment. Found a fresh snakeskin while raking, not my idea of fun at all. Housekeeping caught up on, and laundry finished for the moment. Leftover chicken in the fridge from tonight's dinner will be dinner tomorrow night.
This week, I'm focusing on Braille lessons. More eye changes are scaring me, and lessening sight means even magnifying isn't helping much. You know, I've kept thinking that I had time to just play around with the lessons until I mastered them. It turns out that I don't. The left eye is gray, black, or white vision pretty much all of the time. The right one sees less and less. My time to see things is running out. As it is, I see very little when light conditions are good, nothing at all when they're poor. Thank goodness for apps which identify money, colors, magnify, and read print to me. Thankfully, I never get lost, and always know which direction that I'm facing. It's served me well all of my life, and I trust it will continue to do so. It's something I always took for granted, and that I'm extremely grateful for now.
I wish I had answers. How long will I have some sight? Will I keep light and dark, shapes and colors? According to the specialists "We think some of them. We just don't know, this disease is too rare." Those are my answers. No effective treatment, no cure.
So, I just keep plugging away. I do the best that I can, and tell myself that it's good enough. I've done the five stages of grief going through this disease.... Denial, bargaining, anger, whatever the hell the other one is, and finally acceptance. It's all that I can do.
I'm making the best life for myself that is possible. I work around my limitations as best that I can. I do that which I'm capable of. I eat right, mostly, get enough rest, and exercise every day. I keep learning, have some hobbies, spend time with friends and family.
I miss my old life. Going to work and being around people every day. Being able to get in the car and go places. Showing someone how to do something. Walking around with a baby in my arms. Seeing the traffic lights. Seeing the moon and stars. Going places at night without holding someone's arm or using the hated white cane. Wandering the bookstores, and buying any book which caught my eye. Heck, just dialing a phone number without siri's help, going to the drive-thru at a restaurant and seeing the menu from a car window.
It's a world which no longer exists for me. I understand it. I don't like it, but I accept it.
Enough for now.....
No comments:
Post a Comment