Get over it.

Thoughts...

Sometimes the pain never lessens. The hurt never truly heals. The sense of betrayal is always tucked in, just below the surface. The grief doesn't end. The loss not ever, ever replaced or recovered from. Nightmares are never completely awakened from. The past is survived, but never far from.

People, usually meaning well (although a few are just plain assholes), will tell you to "Get over it". They think that there is a time to get back to "normal". They put a time limit on it, and expect smiles and forgetting the bad to be handled in short order.

The fact is that seeing someone in pain is uncomfortable to others. It's a reminder of their own losses or grief. It reminds them of their own mortality, and that they could experience the same. They fear those parts of life. They run as fast as they can to avoid seeing it.

What is true is that there is no time limit in order to work through those things which harm our bodies and souls. It might happen in hours or days. Then again, it could take weeks, months, or even years. It will take time, I guarantee it. Don't let anyone give you a timetable, each person travels their own path.

Speaking of traveling your own path. It really is individual. A thousand people may have the exact same tragedy happen, and each will deal in their own time and manner. What may help one will not help every person.

There is no fixed recipe or chart telling you how to recover. No, there are millions of them out there, all with the right way shown. They want you to "do this" on Tuesday. Go "there" once a week. They're telling you that this book, and that ritual will fix what is wrong. There is a lot of help out there, much of it suggestions of things which work for most. That's great. Go do the things which help others in your circumstances. Self help, Counselling, Rituals, Life Changes, etc. are all options. If one does not work, try another, and another. Most of it will work, that's what many have discovered. Just don't give up.

But, each one of us must travel that path alone. If we are lucky, truly blessed, there are others who stay with us during these times. Whether it's physically helping, listening, or just sitting in silence with us as we work things through, these people are the angels in our world. Even if they cannot travel the entire journey with us, they help during the times we need them most.

Don't let anyone dictate to you when it comes to the path you walk on your journey. You do what you have to do in order for your body and soul to heal. This is you, doing what you must to survive. Don't apologize for doing what you have to do to get through this. And, do not let anyone make you feel bad for the methods you use to get through it. This is your journey, yours alone. 

Do what you have to do. Take all the time you need. And, never apologize for the way you do that which you must in order to survive. Good luck.