Holiday time

The holiday season is here, and I'm trying to stay out of the shopping fray. My house is decorated, and only took two days to do it. One to move furniture, and the other to put up the tree and part of the decor. I know each ornament by touch, and each contains a story, memory, or milestone in my life. There is comfort in that.

I've made Brandy/Rum Balls, and they have to age a few weeks. It's hard not to sample them, as they're always delicious. Blackberry cordial is aging as well. Everyday, I shake the jars, and will soon strain it into smaller containers to give as gifts.

Over a dozen backgammon boards have been finished. Last night, I put labels on them which include Braille. Later today, I'll pack some up and send them off to family out of state. The weather is being pleasant for December, so I'll load them onto the electric trike to take to the post office.

My gentleman friend will get a Doctor Who scarf, 12 feet long, that he's been wanting. My sons will receive gift cards to shop at Amazon. At 25 and 34, it's hard to know what to get them that I know they'll use and enjoy. Dad will receive a batch of the holiday candies. After chemo and radiation, he could stand to put on a pound or fifty. He's too ill to get out and do much for the holidays, so hopefully the treats will brighten up his day.

Grandma passed away in October at 93, so she's doing her own celebrating. I miss her. It doesn't seem right that she's gone. I've hung ornaments on the tree that she gave me decades ago, each with its own memory.

Don't know what I'll do for the holidays. I'm on the local family shit list for taking in a family member whose husband kicked her out. They're siding with him due to blood relation. If they knew the circumstances, it would be the other way around. Still, she's recently found a new place and moved into it. I stayed out of the dispute, and he would have been just as welcome here had the circumstances been switched. Anyway, I'll still exchange cards and phone calls with everyone, just not attend any celebrations. Don't know what my gentleman friend has planned yet. He loves to entertain, and is happy when he can fire up his smoker and feed a lot of people.

Still, I'm opening my home on Christmas Eve for family and friends to come by. Coffee, cocoa, and snack type munchies should be enough. With my sons so far away, it will be nice to have people around.

Still have to write and mail out holiday cards. It will take a few days due to the headaches it causes. None of my magnifiers are perfect, and can only be used for a few moments at a time. Still, it's a tradition with me, and I enjoy it despite the headaches.

I have mixed feelings about the holidays. It's a time to enjoy and celebrate, but there are too many empty chairs. It's lonely, even with others around. There are headstones to decorate along with my home, and I dread doing that. Still, there are friends, music, and holiday specials on tv. There are Doctor Who and Sherlock specials coming up. My great nephew will be up from Fort Worth, and we're planning a couple of overnights. I'd like to go to Utica Square in Tulsa to see the holiday decor.

So, my holidays aren't traditional. They haven't been since my daughter died. This is my ninth Christmas without her. Parts are good, other portions are heartbreaking, but I get through it.

In case I don't post before the end of the month... Merry Christmas, Happy Yule, Blessed Kwanzaa, Happy Chanukah, and the Merriest of New Years to you all.